Goodbyes

I've been having a really hard time lately, and haven't really been able to express it. I feel so alone... I feel selfish saying that because I have family and one great friend and know all of them would be there at the drop of a dime. I can honestly say though that I just feel very alone in this world. No one txts me to see how my day is going, or asks what I am doing tonight or anything like that. Everyone has their lives and mine is just empty. I guess its just hit reality because the "sos" I thought really cared obviously didn't. In the last few months I lost a friend. Someone who I thought was supposed to be there for me through everything like I had been for her, but in the drop of a dime poof she was gone. We cried together, laughed together and now she is gone. The fact of the matter is I don't think towards the end she cared one way or another if I was there and I had accepted that reality... but its a totally different thing when they are gone completely. And some of the things she has said to me have been extremely hurtful. Then there was the guy. I feel like he nearly demolished my heart. He meant so much to me. I knew this was for the best the day he walked out my door and didn't bother trying to stop him, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. (now I'm crying) I feel like when he walked out he took a piece of my heart with him, and I don't think I've recovered and don't know how long it will take before it is repaired. I pressed forward after this and went on to date someone else who now has hurt me as well. I guess he didn't know how to be straight forward with me and instead just decided to play games and pretend he cared when he didn't. I think the true fact is I wasn't over 1 before 2 came around which makes for a bad combo. So now I sit here, packing my apartment, alone, confused, scared and just feeling empty. I know life has to change... I don't know where to start? Maybe this move will do it for me but I don't see it being that easy. I feel my insides screaming for help! My heart throbs of lonliness. So when does this change, and how? I'm trying to make peace with the decisions I've made cause a lot I made out of necessity and not want. But I've done the best with the curcamstainces I've been dealt. I'm making it through the days fine, its when I come home to this empty apartment that I break down... almost daily. The world seems to be going on around me while I sit still and watch. I'm so at a loss... I feel like I am a good person and that I'm being punished for something... but what? Cause God trust me when I say I would apologize or do anything to be forgiven for whatever I did.